The Hidden Role of Gatekeepers in Belonging
I once visited a gathering of spiritual leaders in New York City.
The group proudly described itself as open, inclusive, and without boundaries.
When I asked who belonged in the association, they replied, “Anyone can join.”
That answer sounded noble, and yet it immediately confused me.
I looked around the room and saw only highly educated spiritual leaders. They were all engaged in national and international conversations about spiritual growth.
Clearly, not “anyone” belonged there.
So I asked a different question:
“Has anyone ever been asked to leave?”
After a pause, the leaders admitted that yes, one member had been asked to leave after advocating for practices they felt were too radical.
Then I asked, “Who made that decision?”
They gave me a name.
And with that answer, the truth became clear.
This group already had a boundary.
They already had a standard for belonging.
And someone already held the authority to enforce it.
What they resisted was naming it.
They wanted to believe no gatekeeping existed, even while practicing it.
That denial, I realized, was holding back their ability to grow in several ways.
Every Durable and Strong Community Has Boundaries
When leaders build communities, whether they call them clubs, associations, networks, or circles, they often deny that boundaries exist.
Yet every powerful community keeps them.
Boundaries are not inherently bad.
They signal shared values and purpose.
They give members clarity about who belongs and why.
Imagine a firefighter’s union.
It makes sense that only firefighters belong to it.
Their shared experience creates trust, camaraderie, and focus.
If anyone could join, neighbors, spouses, or random enthusiasts, the group would quickly lose its purpose and focus.
Boundaries matter because they define the shared identity at the heart of belonging.
The Unseen Role of Gatekeepers
When boundaries exist, someone must tend to them.
This is where gatekeepers help.
Gatekeepers are not villains or power-hungry guards.
They are trusted members who protect the community’s integrity and help others find their place.
Their responsibilities include two roles:
Protecting the community
Sometimes, a person enters with values or behavior that disrupts the group’s shared purpose.
A gatekeeper must find the courage and authority to say, “This is not the right space for you right now.”Welcoming new members inside
This second role is just as important.
A gatekeeper should guide newcomers across the boundary with clarity, kindness, and orientation.
They explain traditions, expectations, and rhythms so that people can confidently participate.
When gatekeepers understand and embrace these roles, communities can thrive.
When they ignore or deny them, communities will struggle.
A Story of Missed Gatekeeping
Years ago, I joined a historic mountain sports club in California.
The group had existed since the 1930s, and as a new father, I wanted to join so that my family could grow as mountain sports enthusiasts in time.
The club invited me to visit their lodge in Tahoe.
So I packed up my car, drove four hours through snow, unloaded gear, and carried all into the 3 story cabin.
I expected a welcome and orientation from the member waiting for my journey up the mountain.
Instead, the first words I ever heard from a member there were:
“Boots don’t go there. They go downstairs.”
No introduction.
No orientation.
No invitation.
Just correction.
This community wanted new members.
And I wanted to belong with mountain sports enthusiasts.
Yet in that crucial first moment, the gatekeeper role had failed.
Rather than helping me cross the threshold, they set me up recognizing that elders were there to tell me I was doing it wrong before even a friendly word.
How many others, I wondered, had walked away after a similar experience?
Gatekeepers as Guides, Not Guards
Too often, we imagine gatekeepers as bouncers standing at the door to keep people out.
In reality, effective gatekeepers act more like guides across a threshold.
I often think of the mythical boatman who ferried souls across the River Styx.
His job was not to decide who deserved to cross.
The role was to help those ready to make the journey.
In communities, gatekeepers serve a similar purpose.
They orient visitors, explain customs, and extend invitations.
They help people discover how they belong.
This work requires empathy and clarity.
A gatekeeper might say:
“You are welcome here, and here’s how our group works.”
“We meet weekly, and newcomers usually begin with small-group conversations.”
“This event is for firefighters only, and we have other events set up for family members.”
Such words set expectations and protect the group’s purpose while offering dignity and welcome.
Why Denying Gatekeeping Hurts Growth
Communities often avoid talking about gatekeeping because they fear exclusion.
The irony is that denying boundaries makes exclusion more painful and confusing.
When leaders refuse to name their standards, visitors must guess at the rules.
Questions swirl in newcomers’ minds:
“Do I need certain credentials to belong?”
“Who will help me understand how this community works?”
“What are the unspoken rules here?”
Without answers, many people quietly leave.
They drift away, never having crossed the threshold into belonging.
Communities that deny gatekeeping often wonder why growth feels stagnant.
The truth may be simple, visitors cannot cross a threshold that leaders refuse to define or explain.
Self-Selection and the Gentle “No”
The good news is that most communities relatively rarely need to expel people.
Self-selection takes care of much of the boundary work.
For example, Podcast Movement is a thriving conference for podcasters.
Most people who attend either host a podcast or plan to.
Someone who sells microphones without interest in podcasting might show up once.
Eventually, the mismatch becomes obvious.
They realize they are not contributing to the shared purpose and move on.
And sometimes, a gentle “no” becomes necessary.
A gatekeeper can say:
“It’s great that you serve podcasters with your products. This space, however, focuses on creators themselves. This is not the right place for you now.”
Clear boundaries and kind guidance preserve the community’s integrity and prevent distraction.
How Leaders Can Strengthen Gatekeeping
If you want your community to flourish, you must invest in your gatekeepers.
This means:
Name your boundaries clearly
Be explicit about who belongs and what values matter most.Choose your gatekeepers intentionally
Select people who represent your values and communicate with kindness.Train them to orient newcomers
Provide language, rituals, or practices to help new members feel welcomed.Celebrate their role
Affirm that gatekeeping is not about prioritizing exclusion. The role focuses on hosting belonging.
A Call to Reflection
Think about your own community:
Who acts as your gatekeepers?
Do they welcome visitors with clarity and warmth?
Do newcomers know how to cross the threshold, or do they feel like outsiders?
Gatekeepers hold immense influence over the life of a community.
They decide whether visitors become lifelong members or turn away after their first encounter.
Every community has boundaries.
The question is not whether gatekeeping happens.
The question is whether you will acknowledge it, shape it, and strengthen it.
When you do, you give your community the gift of belonging that lasts.
Get free resources on building the community you long for at www.charlesvogl.com
Order the 2nd Edition with 25% new content
