Initiation doesn’t have to be complex or dramatic. It use a token. A patch. A moment around a fire. These aren’t grand gestures. They simply officially mark a meaningful shift — the transition from visitor to honored contributing member.

The simple truth: when people accept your invitation and show up, they’re offering their time and their presence. They want to meet others who care about the same things. They want to feel part of something human. Focusing on logistics before considering experience often causes leaders to miss that opportunity.

Too many community leaders never learn this truth.
They assume that possibly anyone who shows up is ready to sign on, get involved, and lead.
That expectation drives people away.
We all need time to explore before we commit.
We need to see how a group works.
We need to recognize what the community values.
And we need to decide whether we want to share in that commitment with them.

People want to feel seen, included, and loved.

Powerful and durable leadership today, in an isolated age, usually involves hosting, connecting, and encouraging others into recognizing how they belong.

And this always starts with simple actions.

In modern life's rush, there's a kind of magic that happens when you slow down, open your home, and invite others in for a meal.

You can now download a free simple tool to help anyone gathering military families for connection, friendship and support.

The most forward-thinking organizations aren’t asking if they need connection.
They’re asking how to build it deliberately, sustainably, and wisely. Especially in a time of scary uncertainty and change.

Many people are already doing community building leadeship.
They just don’t know it.
They’re organizing camping trips, coordinating running groups, and inviting friends to casual hot pot and dinners.
And most of the time, they don’t call themselves “leaders.”
But they’re doing something powerful and many of us are hungry for.

Consider this: when facing life's more challenging moments, such as receiving difficult news, the environment in which we share our experiences matters. A quiet room with a small group of people creates a space where intimate revelations can be shared safely and without the fear of being drowned out by background noise or the presence of too many listeners.

The ideas I explore in The Art of Community come from long time developed spiritual traditions. These principles that foster shared purpose, resilience, and deep connection, have been used for thousands of years to build strong, committed groups. So it’s not a stretch to wonder: If we're borrowing practices from religion or spiritual community-building, does that make us cultish?

I now recognize I, and others, were caught in a pattern called out by what C.S. Lewis called “The Inner Ring.”

The Hidden Power of Tokens (And How Most People Get Them Wrong)

A hoodie, a badge, a simple trinket—these seem like everyday objects, but they have potential to carry immense meaning.

Yet, so many organizations get tokens so wrong.

They assume the value lies in the physical object itself. They think a logo-emblazoned gift is enough to foster connection. They mistake transactions for relationships.

The Limits of Stated Values

Communities often claim to stand for certain values. They put them on websites, frame them on walls, and mention them on stage.

But those words alone don’t mean much.

What really communicates the values of a community are the stories that members share. Stories show how values are lived, not just claimed.

GIFT RESOURCE:

Guidelines for Military Family Community Events

For years I've been in contact with both active duty and veteran service members who shared the well documented challenges of isolation, disconnection and lack of friend support within military experiences.

They assume the value lies in the physical object itself. They think a logo-emblazoned gift is enough to foster connection. They mistake transactions for relationships.

What Is the Temple Principle?

At some point, we’ve all felt the magic of a space that makes us feel connected, welcome, and part of something bigger than ourselves. It might be a grand place designed by learned people. It may also include a childhood backyard, a favorite coffee shop, or even a living room where important life events were announced and celebrated happen.

Competition and Loneliness: The Unseen Patterns

The statistics are startling. In the United States, half of the population reports having three or fewer close friends. To put it another way, every second person you may not have a fourth close friend to call upon. Even more concerning, one in six American men confess to having no close friends at all. And it's not just about numbers; there's a widespread dissatisfaction with the quantity and quality of friendships we maintain.

Why Play Matters in Building Community

Most people think of rituals as serious, highly structured events—ceremonies, speeches, and long traditions with deep meaning. But what if I told you that play is just as important? Play rituals are moments of joy and shared experience that deepen relationships and strengthen a sense of belonging.

Why We Need Campfire Experiences

We already know that people have gathered around campfires to share stories, and build the relationships that matter for millennia. The intimacy of the circle, and the absence of distractions created a space where people could see and hear one another.

The Boundary Principle: Why Community Requires Exclusion

Many people believe that building a strong community means inviting everyone, all the time, to everything. While this belief comes from a generous and well-meaning place, it's ultimately misguided. Real intimate community often needs boundaries so we can focus and serve the people we're intending to gather. Without a boundary to tell them and us who is on the inside and otherwise, we cannot know who we’re investing in. If we don't know for whom we're investing, we can't make a space appropriate for them and the experiences that support their bonding. A story I learned from a of firefighter offers a powerful illustration of this principle.

The Illusion of Community—And What It Really Takes to Build One

The word community evokes a sense of warmth, belonging, and connection. We hear it used to describe workplaces, social groups, and many online spaces. But how often do these so-called communities actually create space for rewarding relationships and mutual care that true community can deliver?