Why Strong Communities Often Look Inefficient

Imagine joining an efficient Thanksgiving meal.
Does this sound fun?
Are you going to seek this out?
An assembly line dinner.
Conversation never gets started.
Volunteers clear plates with military precision.

Everyone leaves on schedule.
The throughput looks fantastic on a spreadsheet!

That experience sounds terrible.

Most of us recognize that instinctively and immediately.

Nobody talks about their favorite Thanksgiving because the logistics ran so smoothly.

The best memories, of course, come from conversations that were unhurried and stories with people that were unexpected.

Overwhelmingly, these moments happen when nobody is paying attention to maximizing efficiency.
This truth speaks to a challenge many leaders face today.
We know how to scale information, fill rooms, and increase attendance.
Yet many organizations struggle to help real connection where it matters on teams when leaders are distracted by making every moment efficient. 

What If Inefficiency Is Part of the Answer?

When people reach out to me, they often want stronger connections for healthier teams, or deeper trust among the people they serve.
I want to know why.
If someone only wants efficiency, then many of the practices that create trust will seem wasteful.
A long conversation can appear unproductive.
A shared meal may look unnecessary.
Time spent getting to know one another might feel difficult to justify.

I think about an insight from General Stanley McChrystal's book Team of Teams.
He points out that resilience and adaptability require relationships.
Those relationships often look inefficient from the outside.

People step away from tasks where they already excel.
They spend time building familiarity with colleagues and learn how others think.
They create trust long before they need it.
Viewed through a narrow productivity lens, that effort can look like wasted time.
Its value becomes far more obvious when resilience and adaptability matter. 
When circumstances change, those relationships allow people to adapt together.
Trust, communication, and foundation already exist when they’re needed.

The Organizations That Call Me First

Over time, I have noticed that the organizations that reach out to me most often tend to work in education, healthcare, the military, veteran communities, and cutting-edge technology.
At first glance, those groups seemed largely unrelated.
Then I recognized that for all of them, the consequences of failure are severe.
Lives depend on coordination.
Critical decisions often require trust.
Rapid adaptation matters.
The successful leaders in these fields understand something others overlook.
Strong teams do not emerge from processes alone.
Human connection strengthens a group's ability to respond when the unexpected arrives.
That understanding makes them more willing to invest in experiences that appear inefficient.
They know ignoring this carries a much greater cost.

Voting With Our Hands

One of my favorite practices surprises people when they encounter it for the first time.

We use a phone basket.
The basket itself is not important. The ritual is.
I never ask participants to surrender their devices because phones are bad.
Instead, I go first.
I place my phone in the basket, then I explain.
We are voting with our hands.
We are choosing to be with the people in the room instead of the people outside. 
We invite everyone to place their phones in the basked and then
we physically and ritually walk the basket into another room.
Nobody can hear or, of course, see the devices for our time together.
The time shifts immediately.
Conversations deepen.
Calm deepens.

A Bright Spot I Keep Seeing

Despite concerns about isolation, I remain optimistic.
Whenever people gather in meaningful ways, enthusiasm grows quickly.
I recently spent an evening with educators.
The excitement in the room was unmistakable.
People wanted to talk, connect, and enjoy sharing time together.
The desire for human connection remains strong.
The challenge is not a lack of interest.
It is creating opportunities where that desire can flourish.

Why Invitations Matter More Than Ever

One of the simplest ideas from this conversation may also carry the greatest impact.
Extend an invitation, whether that means calling someone.
Welcoming a neighbor for dinner or creating space for a meaningful conversation. 
Imagine receiving a phone call.
"Hey Matt, my wife and I are having spaghetti on Friday night. We'd love for you to join us."
That invitation takes less than thirty seconds.
Today, it stands out because so few people make those calls.
Even if someone cannot attend, the invitation still communicates care.
Someone thought of them and wanted them there.
Simple invitations often carry extraordinary power.

The Opportunity In Front Of Us

I do not think most people are longing for larger events.
I think many people are longing for more meaningful experiences.
A shared meal and a thoughtful conversation, free from notifications.
Few friends gathered around a fire where nobody feels pressure to perform.
Those moments may never scale efficiently.
And perhaps that is exactly the point.
When we stop measuring success solely through attendance, speed, and throughput, we create space for something richer.
Trust grows, friendships deepen, and communities strengthen.
That work takes time.
The results rarely fit neatly into a spreadsheet.
The impact can last for years.


Get free resources on building the community you long for at www.charlesvogl.com

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