Why Your Event Feels Off (It’s Maybe Not the People)

Lighting At a Backyard Baby Shower

In one of my conversations with Seth Resler, he shared a story about a baby shower in his backyard.
Unlike his other backyard gatherings, this one needed a center of attention. Guests wanted to address the couple. The moment called for something intentional.
So, Seth pulled out a PA system.
And instead of his usual backyard lighting, he placed torches around the yard.
That created a shift. The torches brought warmth and softness to the space. It newly felt like a celebration, not a typical hangout.
He noticed that it felt different. More intimate. More focused.
Seth’s instincts proved right. Even basic light shifting transformed the emotional tone of the space.

Lighting Tells People Where to Focus

In gatherings where something or someone matters, lighting signals importance.
At many events, I’ve seen attention pulled away from the host, the speaker, or the focal moment because the lighting pointed elsewhere.
Too often, floodlights hit the audience. Decorative lights cover walls. The person sharing a blessing or invitation stands in shadow.
Who wants to focus on the shadows?

Lighting must be placed where we want attention. We help the experience we want by guiding the eye.

Use Warmth to Invite Presence

Most people sense when something feels off. Few know why.
Lighting often creates this discomfort.
Cool, blue-toned lighting, even when bright, creates vigilance. It keeps people alert, not calm.

Warm lighting, similar to firelight, helps us feel calm and comfortable. Candles, amber LEDs, and soft fire sources can build emotional safety.

Security lights and bright task lights can do the opposite.

Consider how many generations in your family have shared hours around warm firelight.  Any under security floodlights?

A Dinner That Could’ve Been Magical

Not long ago, I was invited to a private dinner in Boston.
The hosts placed us at a long table in a private restaurant room. Twenty guests. Important conversation. High expectations.
Wall sconces lit the perimeter brightly. The center of the table stayed dark.
No one had thought through the lighting.
That influenced our whole evening.
We sat around a dark table and folks 2 chairs away felt distant. 
I knew that if we simply turned down the sconces and placed 15 candles along the table’s center, the experience would change.
People would feel more included, comfortable and intimately connected. 
We would all feel invited to speak, listen, and connect more deeply.

Distribute Light Instead of Overpowering Spaces

Many hosts attempt to brighten a gathering with one or two strong light sources.
This leaves pockets of darkness and spots of discomfort.
Diffused and dimmed lighting helps comfort. When light spreads gently across a space, people feel more comfort.
Multiple soft light sources create ambiance and remove harsh contrast. Even tiki torches in a backyard can provide this.
Wherever people gather for a meaningful experience, lighting should support their participation.

Choose Light With Intention

Design does not require a big budget.
Most spaces can transform with minor adjustments.
Ask these questions when preparing your next gathering:

• Where do I want people to focus?

• Is my lighting helping people feel calm or guarded by diffusing it and making it more like campfire light?

• Am I simply flooding the space or offering warmth and comfort?

Remove lighting that distracts. Add warmth where hearts and eyes will meet.

Create the Conditions for Belonging

When people feel physically uncomfortable, they struggle to connect emotionally.
Lighting is one of the most powerful, least considered, and easy to adjust elements of event design.
A few candles. A dimmer switch. A repositioned lamp. These are often all that is required to elevate a moment.
If your goal is to build belonging, use light to help people feel safe and seen.
This does not demand advanced training. It requires only thoughtfulness and care.

Get free resources on building the community you long for at www.charlesvogl.com

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