Why So Many Americans Feel Lonely and How We Can Reconnect
A Quiet Crisis of Loneliness
The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, highlighted research showing that half of Americans have three or fewer close friends. Roughly one in six Americans says they have no close friends at all.
This is the reality of time.
Younger Generations Now Experience Greater Loneliness
For the first time in American history, younger generations report more loneliness than older adults. In the past, we assumed that aging naturally brought loneliness. We believed that as people lost lifelong friends, they would become more isolated and thus lonely.
Now, up to 80 percent of young Americans report frequent loneliness. The numbers reveal something has shifted in how we build and sustain relationships generationally.
The Hidden Causes of Disconnection
One important reason is our mobile life patterns. Americans now move more frequently than ever. Every time someone relocates, they must rebuild a community. That process takes time and focus. Many don’t even know how to invest.
Many no longer attend their home religious gatherings. Some left for good reasons, and that deserves respect. And, this missing tradition also means fewer regular meetings with people who share values throughout the year and celebrate life's changes.
We lost more than gathering spaces. We lost rhythms, familiarity, and opportunities to mature alongside others.
Real Connection Requires Skill and Intention
Connection also requires intention.
When my friend Brad told me about his parents moving to a 50+ community and making 50 new friends in six months, I recognized they weren't just lucky. They obviously know how to connect.
Many of us never learned or forgot those skills. We rely on social media to simulate relationships and miss the courage and or structure needed to form the bonds that provide meaning and durable support.
Thankfully, we can learn again.
The Expansionist: Building Networks
Marissa King, who teaches at Wharton, wrote a book called Social Chemistry, where she describes different types of connectors.
One of them is the Expansionist. Expansionists want to meet more people and grow networks. They seek out new events and people, make introductions, and pride themselves on the breadth of their network.
In your twenties, this approach helps us find opportunities we don't have with a small starting network. At that stage, we don't yet know who will become important in our lives or how connections will shape our journey. Expansionists explore, build, and stay visible.
Brad, in his early years, built networks this way. He made himself known and created opportunities to meet people who mattered to him.
The Convener: Gathering the Right People
Over time, many of us shift.
Brad joked that he and his wife no longer have space for new friends. They look at their calendars and ask, “Who would we stop seeing to make room for someone new?”
That comment reveals a key maturation that he experienced. Expansionists grow networks. Conveners primarily deepen them.
As a convener, we gather people we already care about. We bring together friends who help one another and who matter to you. We choose deeper connection over novelty.
We don't chase every new contact opportunity or many at all. We focus on who needs us and whom we will turn to as well.
Leading with Connection
I train leaders to build connections among the people important to them. And I remind them that you don’t need to look far to find people who want deeper relationships.
People want to feel seen, included, and loved.
Powerful and durable leadership today, in an isolated age, usually involves hosting, connecting, and encouraging others into recognizing how they belong.
And this always starts with simple actions.
How to Rebuild Your Network
If you want to become a convener, start here:
Reach out. Don’t wait for others to message you. Set reminders to call a friend each week. Even brief conversations are powerful.
Be present. When together, put away the devices. Remember that time together is both precious and fleeting.
Include others. Turn activities into chances for deeper connection by clearly stating the intention. You're not gathering to eat burgers. You're gathering to enjoy friendship.
Create rituals. Find ways to celebrate and acknowledge life's changes. Throughout our relationships, we accomplish, fail, learn, regret, and complete all kinds of stuff. We want moments where, together, we can acknowledge that these experiences change us.
Powerful friendship groups usually don’t happen by accident. Someone invests so they're built. And the good news is, it’s usually not too late to start.
Watch the full conversation episode here:
The Secret to Building Relationships (The Big Success Podcast)
Get free resources on building the community you long for at www.charlesvogl.com
