From Fixed Styles to Fluid Service
The Myth of the Perfect Leadership Style
When Kevin Eikenberry and I talked about leadership, he reminded me of a common trap. Many believe that somewhere out there exists a perfect leadership style.
If we could just discover it and use it, we’d finally have matured into great leaders.
He shared that some believe “I’m a decisive leader,” “I’m a facilitative leader,” or “I’m a visionary.”
He notes that those labels are useful until they become our identity.
Once we believe we are the label, we lose our ability to change.
Kevin put it simply: A style is a tendency, not an identity.
When we make our style our identity, we stop learning.
We stop growing.
And as the world moves on without us, our influence shrinks.
When the World Shifts, We Must Shift Too
Kevin described leadership as “reaching valuable outcomes with and through others.”
It captures something simple and profound.
Kevin asks, “Are you leading the same way you were five years ago?”
If the answer is yes, he said, then by definition you’re a poorer leader today than you were then.
The world doesn’t pause for us.
Economies shift, technologies accelerate, and the needs of our teams and communities evolve.
If our leadership has not moved with change, we’re not adapting to the new reality.
Leadership maturity includes being willing to flex, to experiment, to be wrong, and to try again.
It asks us to measure ourselves not by how consistent we are but by how responsive we can be to the people and contexts we serve.
The Evolving Leader as a Student of Context
An evolving leader is a student of context.
She asks, “What’s needed now?” not “What fits my style?”
He listens to what his people need most today, not what worked five years ago.
Like a gardener, the leader reads the seasons.
What thrives in summer withers in winter.
Our role is not to force growth on our own terms but to create conditions where growth is possible.
Influence, Not Control
Kevin and I agreed that leaders never truly control outcomes or others; we only influence them.
Hopefully, this reality is both humbling and freeing.
It’s humbling because our best plans can fail no matter the effort.
It’s freeing because it invites us to focus on what we can do to improve success odds.
Annie Duke’s book Thinking in Bets uses a similar idea.
Leadership isn’t about guarantees; it’s about probabilities.
We can never ensure our team will hit every goal, but we can shape the environment so the odds of trust, collaboration, and achievement increase.
That requires us to keep learning and adjusting, even when change feels uncomfortable.
The Courage to Let Go of Certainty
Leaders I admire release the comfort of certainty. We must keep revisiting questions with changing answers.
Questions like:
What is this moment asking of me?
What does my team need that I haven’t noticed?
What belief about myself is keeping me from changing?
Because the world is changing, we repeatedly step into the unknown and trust that growth awaits on the other side of discomfort.
Belonging Through Change
In my own work around community and belonging, I’ve seen how leaders create connection not by holding fast to perfect formulas or structures but by staying present to the people in front of them.
Every group, whether a team, a family, or a congregation, needs leaders who evolve with them.
True belonging includes choosing to grow together.
A Reflection for You
Are you leading the same way you were five years ago?
What would evolving leadership look like for you today?
Who around you might need you to lead differently?
Closing Invitation
In our conversation, Kevin shared insights from his work on Flexible Leadership, a way of understanding how we can adapt our approach as people and circumstances evolve.
His perspective deepened my own appreciation for how growth and humility sustain leadership that serves others as they need it.
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